The Cottage (2008)
R1 / NTSC DVD
Sony Pictures / 2008
Directed by: Paul Andrew Williams
Written by: Paul Andrew Williams
Cast: Andy Serkis, Reece Shearsmith, Steve O'Donnell & Jennifer Ellison
Review by Brian Harris

Two brothers orchestrate, and completely screw up, a kidnapping involving a powerful gangster’s step-daughter. Laying low in a cottage in the woods, they discover their captive is less-than-meek, they’re being stalked by murderous Asian hitmen and there’s a monstrous psycho farmer stalking all of them!

The Cottage is more fun than midget with a machine gun! Where the hell can you find a movie that gives you criminals, kidnapping, a fantastic rack, hilarious comedy, psychotic cannibals and a moth phobia all in one place? No-freakin’-where that’s where! Andy Serkis and Reece Shearsmith work famously as brothers and Jennifer Ellison is the incredibly hot and startlingly foul-mouthed Tracey is a sight to behold indeed.

Obviously, this isn’t your average crime thriller though, not by a long shot. This lil’ film offers up something that many crime thrillers could use…a hideous deformed psycho killer! HELL YEAH! As if kidnappers aren’t enough, writer/director Williams also tosses a few hitmen into the mix to keep you on your toes! After awhile you don’t know who’s gonna get what by whom! Is it the hitmen? Is it the psycho? Is it Tracey?

Hellraiser fans should take note, “old man walking dog” is none other than genre icon Doug Bradley better known as Pinhead! Nice cameo!

• Screen Format: 2.35:1 Anamorphic Widescreen / Color
• Audio: English, French, Portuguese, Spanish / Dolby Digital 5.1
• Subtitles: English, French, Portuguese, Spanish
• Running time: 93 mins.

• Deleted Scenes
• Outtakes
• Photo Gallery
• Storyboards

The Cottage was a wild mixture of Severance, Suicide Kings and Monster Man so you know it’s gotta be good! The acting, action, gore and thrills are all top-notch! After having suffered through George A. Romero’s Diary of the Dead, this gem was a welcome distraction and one that I will very likely subject myself to over and over again. Is this worthy of a purchase? I think so! Rent first, prepare to be entertained and then go buy this bitch to share with your loved ones!

“Severance meets Monster Man!”