The Beast in Space (1980)
R1 / NTSC DVD
Severin Films / 2008
Directed by: Alfonso Brescia
Written by: Alfonso Brescia & Aldo Crudo
Cast: Sirpa Lane, Vassili Karis & Venantino Venantini
Review by Brian Harris

The Beast returns! Well, unofficially. Sirpa Lane reprises her role as a maiden beset upon by a ferocious sex-fiend monster when she and the crew of her spaceship land on an unexplored planet and are held prisoner by a mad robot and his minion. Due to some robo-mojo-jojo, the crew all become overwhelmingly horny and begin banging one another’s brains out which of course frees up time for the robot’s Satyr henchman to pump Sirpa with his horse wang. Her dream is coming true but it’s truly a nightmare! Can the crew escape this cursed planet in which they score bucket loads of poon and wang?!!

Plot? None. Story? Barely. The Beast in Space is an unofficial sequel to Walerian Borowczyk’s La Bête (The Beast) that will probably only interest Italian exploitation and erotic cinema fans as it has none of Borowczyk’s style or originality.

The acting, dialogue, sex and FX are all incredibly bad but just as entertaining. Both Vassili Karis and Venantino Venantini handed in hilarious performances as rival spaceship captains but the show is ‘snatch’ed from their comedic grasp by Sirpa Lane and her pendulous juggs. Now, personally, I think Sirpa Lane is god awful ugly in the worst way, she sort of reminds me of a Geico caveman with a beaver, but I suppose I can see why people dig her, after all she’s got huge tits and a great ass. Unfortunately, big tits and a great ass don’t always make for an interesting lead actress and Lane is about as uninteresting as they get.

The Beast in Space is sleazy and it’s doubtful it was meant to be taken seriously so the bottomline is, “Was The Beast in Space entertaining?” and the answer to that would be yes…well…mildly entertaining. I must admit I found myself feeling a bit strange in the pants and ashamed when the Satyr began rocking Sirpa Lane’s box but then again I’m a pervert and there’s really no accounting for taste.

• Screen Format: 1.85:1 Widescreen / Color
• Audio: Italian / Mono 2.0
• Subtitles: English (Optional)
• Running time: 92 mins.

• Featurette – “Once Upon a Time in Space: An Interview with Venantino Venantini”

The Beast in Space is crap, no doubt about it, but it was fun for what it was, high art it ain’t. The double soft, softcore porn sequences get a bit repetitive and a wee bit frustrating but anybody that can suffer through those late night softcore cable flicks and still pop the bottle will certainly be more than qualified to handle this. Lane did have a fantastic body, one that was quite capable of making you salute, but man, she had a face not unlike a bowl of mushy puppy chow, god rest her soul. Whether you see this for the late great Sirpa Lane or just the quasi-bestiality, just remember, it’s only a bit better than Luigi Cozzi’s Contamination.

“Sirpa Lane is on fire!”